“Beard”

Dear Friend,

The quarantine beard is coming in strong.

As is tradition, the beard made a winter appearance and was shorn in early spring. It performed well over the usual life cycle. It provided warmth on the cold winter nights and the ritualistic shaving supplied an adequate offering for ceremonial spring rebirth.

But then came stay at home orders. The clean look was kept up for a couple of weeks but the effort began to feel futile. It seemed superficial and borderline vain in this time of suffering. And while it’s important for our mental health to maintain proper hygiene and appearances, some things can be relaxed without fear of spiraling into disorder and depression.

So the beard is making a comeback. I must say it’s coming in whiter than usual. While each growth season sees a few new whites, there is more than can be contributed to the advanced years. I believe the stress of the pandemic is the foremost factor in the frosted fur yield. I’ve reached out to various science journals to gauge interest in a study.

Mary thinks it is gross and Baby James just pulls at it, but I think it looks good and should be considered as a permanent feature. Be all natural. Be free.

Despite my encouragement, I don’t know if her beard is going to stick around. We’ll just have to wait to see what Mrs. Alvin does come bathing suit season.

J.S. Alvin

P.S. This may be the last letter for a while. I imagine it will be difficult to type with the broken fingers I’m sure to receive once this is posted.